It has been a hard time for me.

I am a Virgo, we are built to worry, but I try my best not to let myself do that. I have gotten better, but things still keep happening that make it hard.

Transmission went out on the van (only vehicle we have), we can't afford another car, and repair of the transmission added an additonal $2,000 to an already pre-existing loan.

[sighs]

To top it all off, got a speeding ticket the other day rushing to work. At least he wrote it for 5 over the speed limit. It COULD have been worse.

Alot of things come down to money as an issue, and makes for an increasingly hard time to actually do anything but squeak by and not much of anything else.

I think I need to start playing the lotto. Who knows, perhaps I will strike it rich. Hell, I am not greedy, enough to pay off the bills, and just live would be nice.

My wife, she does an indredible job keeping up with bills, payments, and all things financial. I just wish there was more money to do things for us.

I have been working 7 days a week for the last 2 weeks covering my shift and others at work, and I will get one day off (sorta - I will be recovering for a 12 hour midnight shift) and be working the rest of the week (including the weekend as normal - 12 hour midnight shifts).

The overtime helps, but I am feeling a bit burned out and a bit resentful because I don't get to see much of my kids. I get up, have maybe an hour or two, and get my daughter off to school, and she doesn't see me again till the next day (unless she wakes when I go in and give hugs and kisses at midnight).

My son gets a little more, an hour, before I have to leave for work and he also does not get to see me again till the next day (unless he wakes when I give hugs and kisses at midnight when I get home).

Nice thing is, my son crawls in bed with me when he wakes in the middle of the night. I know I should stop him and keep him in his own bed, but I like his goofy smile when he sees me. How can I say no?

I really want to be able to work on alot of things, including my marriage with my wife. It isn't how I want it to be, and we have had some hard times, but I crave her attention and her love, and I still wait, hope, want, and pray for life to get better with her and I.

I just wish things were easier.