Taking a Sanity Break

Hump Day Funnies

noreply@blogger.com (Break from Sanity) — Wed, 18 Feb 2009 17:24:00 +0000

You are halfway through the work week. Congratulations!!

To help inspire you to get through the rest of the week, is a bit of laughter:

Q: Someone has told me that menopause is mentioned in the Bible. Is that true? Where can it be found?

A: Yes. Matthew 14:92: ‘And Mary rode Joseph’s ass all the way to Egypt .’

Welcome the twins, from a computer perspective, COPY & PASTE:

Moving on to the obligatory In-law joke......

A married couple was in a terrible accident where the man’s face was severely burned. The doctor told the husband that they couldn’t graft any skin from his body because he was too skinny.

So the wife offered to donate some of her own skin. However, the only skin on her body that the doctor felt was suitable would have to come from her buttocks. The husband and wife agreed that they would tell no one about where the skin came from, and they requested that the doctor also honor their secret.
After all, this was a very delicate matter.

After the surgery was completed, everyone was astounded at the man’s new face. He looked more handsome than he ever had before! All his friends and relatives just went on and on about his youthful beauty!

One day, he was alone with his wife, and he was overcome with emotion at her sacrifice.

He said, “Dear, I just want to thank you for everything you did for me. How can I possibly repay you?”

“My darling,” she replied, “I get all the thanks I need every time I see your mother kiss you on the cheek.”

Lawyers are always te butt of jokes, and many times it is warranted with the various type of lawyers from good to scummy out there.

The next joke, I figure this particular farmer doesn't like lawyers, what do you think?

A big city lawyer went duck hunting in rural Tennessee. He shot and dropped a bird, but it fell into a farmer’s field on the other side of a fence.

As the lawyer climbed over the fence, an elderly farmer drove up on his tractor and asked him what he was doing.

The litigator responded, ‘I shot a duck and it fell in this field, and now I’m going to retrieve it.’

The old farmer replied, ‘This is my property, and you are not coming over here.’

The indignant lawyer said, ‘I am one of the best trial attorneys in the United States and, if you don’t let me get that duck, I’ll sue you and take everything you own.’

The old farmer smiled and said, ‘Apparently, you don’t know how we settle disputes in Tennessee . We settle small disagreements with the ‘Three Kick Rule.”

The lawyer asked, ‘What is the ‘Three Kick Rule’?’

The Farmer replied, ‘Well, because the dispute occurs on my land, I get to go first. I kick you three times and then you kick me three times and so on back and forth until someone gives up.’

The attorney quickly thought about the proposed contest and decided that he could easily take the old codger. He agreed to abide by the local custom.

The old farmer slowly climbed down from the tractor and walked up to the attorney.

His first kick planted the toe of his heavy steel toed work boot into the lawyer’s groin and dropped him to his knees.

His second kick to the midriff sent the lawyer’s last meal gushing from his mouth.

The lawyer was on all fours when the farmer’s third kick to his rear end, sent him face-first into a fresh cow pie.

The lawyer summoned every bit of his will and managed to get to his feet.

Wiping his face with the arm of his jacket, he said, ‘Okay, you old fart. Now it’s my turn.’

(I love this part)

The old farmer smiled and said, ‘Nah, I give up. You can have the duck.’

Hopefully this put a smile on your face, and give you enough laughter and good humor to get through the rest of the week.

Smile.....

noreply@blogger.com (Break from Sanity) — Mon, 16 Feb 2009 06:04:00 +0000

Say... NUTS !!

A Collection of Bad Women Drivers

noreply@blogger.com (Break from Sanity) — Sun, 08 Feb 2009 02:34:00 +0000

noreply@blogger.com (Break from Sanity) — Tue, 27 Jan 2009 15:38:00 +0000

Most people when they think of an etch-a-sketch, think of block-type drawings, disjointed to keep the kids amused.

But, unaware that I was, I came across some incredible artwork using nothing but an etch-a-sketch. That single line construct, with nothing more than two knobs to twist and turn to make your drawings.

The portrait of Barack Obama took 80 hours to produce.

Very vivid, and exact in his sketching.

The 30-year-old, who has been using the toy since the age of ten, said: ‘Each is an original work of art that takes 70-80 hours to create.

‘Once finished, the piece is then preserved to stand the test of time by removing the powder from the Etch A Sketch.

‘Every creation is uniquely different and cannot be duplicated. And people still say ‘No, that can’t be real. You can’t do that with an Etch A Sketch.’

George has Etch A Sketched many of the world's greatest athletes and celebrities and his work has been described as 'the one continuous line that continues to amaze the world.'

Around the age of ten, I was doing simple things on the Etch - Batman, Spiderman, California Raisins, etc. I was drawing and etching anything around me that I had interest in.

'I also started combining sports and Etch Art - two of my favorite things. I can't really explain it - drawing on the Etch just came naturally to me.

'The Etch A Sketch became a new way for me to express my artistic talents. It was a new challenge - and I just wanted to see how good I could get.

'The more I Etched the better I got at drawing, and the more I drew the better I Etched.'

Full Story

Stomach Flu

noreply@blogger.com (Break from Sanity) — Mon, 26 Jan 2009 06:39:00 +0000

Friday night I seemed to come down with the stomach flu.

Overall I am not doing too bad, as long as you don't count the trips to the bathroom every 30 minutes, stomach cramps, freezing one minute, too hot the next and not eating.

Last time I really ate something was Friday.

It is early Monday morning now, and I have eaten 3 yogurts since Friday. It doesn't upset my stomach it seems.

As of writing this I tried cooking some ramen noodles to see if I could eat some of that....bad idea...

Three or four bites and my stomach is cramping like crazy.

Looks like it is back to the Stomach Flu Diet for me - nothing to eat.

Could be worse, least I am able to still drink coffee without any troubles. Can you imagine that, sick, not eating, and no coffee?!?

It is almost too much to contemplate.

Ever wonder how...

noreply@blogger.com (Break from Sanity) — Wed, 21 Jan 2009 20:48:00 +0000

...the Hell they managed to do that?!?

Going to be a COLD Week

noreply@blogger.com (Break from Sanity) — Thu, 15 Jan 2009 18:25:00 +0000

It is going to be in the lower single digits for most of the week.

BBRRRRRRRRRRRR

With windchill it has been below zero.

Welcome to 2009

noreply@blogger.com (Break from Sanity) — Fri, 02 Jan 2009 15:36:00 +0000

2009?

Another year gone and another just beginning.

Hopefully 2009 will be a better year than 2008.

I came across a video earlier, One Year in 40 Seconds, it is beautiful - give it a watch:

It really is incredible how that is done.

If you would like to see more of such photography / videos, here is one called the Sky in Motion that is beautiful also:

With the start of the New Year everyone makes promises (New Year Promises), ones they hope to keep; some real, some exaggerated, and some they know they will never keep.

Mine I hope to keep:

- To work on my marriage to make it a better one.
- To close mouth and open ears more.
- To leave earlier and make it to work early.
- To blog here more often.

Alchohol Warnings

noreply@blogger.com (Break from Sanity) — Wed, 10 Dec 2008 22:09:00 +0000

The following warning labels will be placed immediately on all varieties of alcohol containers:

WARNING:
The consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the hell happened to your bra and panties

WARNING:
The consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering when you are not.

WARNING:
The consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like a retard.

WARNING:
The consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell your friends over and over again that you love them.

WARNING:
The consumption of alcohol may cause you to think you can sing.

WARNING:
The consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that ex-lovers are really dying for you to telephone them at four in the morning.

WARNING:
The consumption of alcohol may cause pregnancy.

WARNING:
The consumption of alcahol may Mack you tink you can tipe real gode .

Work Christmas Party Coming Soon

noreply@blogger.com (Break from Sanity) — Wed, 03 Dec 2008 18:56:00 +0000

It has come to that time of year again, where the bosses put together the Annual Christmas Party, and this time around it will be at Shula's Steak House.

I decided to tantalize your taste buds with what this particular place has to offer in the way of food....

Appetizers and Soups

Jumbo Lump Crab Cakes

French Onion Soup

Flash Fried Lobster Tail

Blackened Tenderloin Tips

Steak Tartare

Barbecued Shrimp

Oysters Rockefeller

Lobster Bisque

Stone Crabs

Chilled 1/2 Maine Lobster

Shrimp Cocktail

Blue Point Oysters

Salads

The Wedge

Tomato & Fresh Mozzarella Chop Salad

Beefsteak Tomato & Gorgonzola Salad

Caesar Salad

The SHULA CUT® Steaks

Steak Mary Anne

12 Oz. Filet Mignon

16 Oz. New York Strip

32 Oz. Prime Rib

24 Oz. Porterhouse

48 Oz. Porterhouse

22 Oz. Cowboy Steak

20 Oz. Kansas City Strip

Other Entrees

French Cut Chicken Breast

Florida Red Snapper

Mahi Mahi

Salmon

Jumbo Lump Crab Cakes

Twin Cold Water Lobster Tails

Surf & Turf

3 to 4 lb Maine Lobster

Lamb Loin Chops

16 Oz. Prime Rib Au Jus

24 Oz. Prime Rib Au Jus

Sides

Sauteed Mushrooms

Asparagus Grilled or Steamed Broccoli with Hollandaise Sauce

Spinach Creamed or Sauteed

Crab Mac & Cheese

Jumbo Baked Potato

Hashbrown Potatoes

Potato Skins

Steak Fries

Double Baked Potato

Lobster Mashed Potatoes

Desserts

Häagen-Dazs Sorbet

Chocolate Seven Layer Cake

Molten Lava Chocolate Cake

Chocolate Souffle

Creme Brulee

Key Lime Pie

Cheesecake

Apple Cobbler

Häagen-Dazs Ice Cream

Suddenly I am very, very hungry.

STEAK! Not JUST steak, but DAMN GOOD STEAK!!

**Drools**

Friday with the Blue Man Group

noreply@blogger.com (Break from Sanity) — Fri, 21 Nov 2008 22:22:00 +0000

Click the play button or the middle of the video screen.

Cravings - Part 1

noreply@blogger.com (Break from Sanity) — Fri, 14 Nov 2008 18:05:00 +0000

Cornish Pasty Recipe
This pasty recipe comes from Kim Miller of Newberg, Oregon. A native of Traverse city, Michigan, Kim says that she does not know which family member this recipe originally came from, but that it has been passed down and shared by three generations of women in her family since the late 1930s.

Pasty Crust (recipe follows)
1 beef bouillon cube
1/2 cup hot water
5 1/2 cups diced potatoes
2 medium carrots, shredded
1 medium onion, finely diced
1/2 cup finely diced rutabaga*
1 pound lean ground beef
1/2 pound lean ground pork
1 teaspoon black pepper
1 1/2 teaspoons salt
Tomato ketchup

* Turnips may be substituted.

Make Pasty Crust. Preheat oven to 425 degrees F.

In a large bowl, dissolve beef bouillon cube in hot water. Add potatoes, carrots, onion, rutabaga, ground beef, ground pork, pepper, and salt; gently stir until well mixed.

Place 1 1/2 cups of vegetable filling in the center of each rolled dough rectangle; bring short (6-inch) sides together and seal by crimping edges together. Makes 3 or 4 small slits in the top of the pasty to allow steam to escape during cooking.

Place pasties onto a large ungreased baking sheet. Bake 45 to 55 minutes or until golden brown; remove from oven.

Can be served warm, but real Michiganities eat their pasties cold with tomato ketchup. they make a great sack lunch and freeze well.

Makes 6 pasties.

Pasty Crust:
4 1/2 cup all-purpose flour
1 teaspoon salt
1 cup solid vegetable shortening or lard
1 1/3 cups chilled water

In a large bowl, sift together flour and salt. With a pastry blender or two knives, cut vegetable shortening into flour mixture until particles are the size of small peas. Sprinkle in water, a little at a time, tossing with fork until all flour is moistened and pastry dough almost cleans side of bowl. Form dough into a ball and cut dough into 6 sections.

On a lightly floured surface with a floured rolling pin, roll out each section into 6 x 8-inch rectangles. Fill and bake as directed in recipe.

Post-Halloween Funnies

noreply@blogger.com (Break from Sanity) — Fri, 07 Nov 2008 19:45:00 +0000

The Scent of a Man

noreply@blogger.com (Break from Sanity) — Wed, 29 Oct 2008 21:32:00 +0000

I have been contemplating Colognes as of late, and I guess I am what you would call a newbie for scents.

My cologne of choice would be and still is, Drakkar.
Fragrant notes: lavender, citrus, spicy berries and sandalwood.

While I enjoy the scent of Drakkar, I also would like to expand on what I have.

There seems to be alot of information out there concerning this, everything from oily to dry skin types (mine would be dry), and Colognes for summer, winter and fall. These would vary stronger needed during the winter months, lighter in the summer.

Another I have been considering is Fahrenheit. It is recommended for daytime use and has fragrant notes of: honeysuckle, sandalwood and balsam.

Currently, my eye has been on this little number, Acqua Di Dio. It is recommended as casual use and has fragrant notes of citrus notes, rosemary spiciness, jasmine, hint of wood and ocean breezes.

Others I have had my eye on are:

Calvin Klein Eternity.
Fragrant Notes: greens, crisp jasmine, sage, basil, and rosewood, very refreshing and crisp.

Chanel Egoiste.
Fragrant Notes: vanilla and spices with woodsy notes.

L'EAU D'ISSEY POUR HOMME INTENSE cologne by Issey Miyake.
Fragrant Notes: Cypress, Coriander, Mandarin, Nutmeg, Saffron, Bourbon Geranium, Cinnamon, Tobacco, Musk, Sandalwood, Haitian Vetiver.

GAULTIER 2 fragrance by Jean Paul Gaultier.
Fragrant Notes: Musk, Amber, Vanilla

So, what are your favorite scents?

What do you wear?

Ladies, what turns your head and attracts you?

Emotionally Drained

noreply@blogger.com (Break from Sanity) — Sun, 19 Oct 2008 06:08:00 +0000

It has been a hard time for me.

I am a Virgo, we are built to worry, but I try my best not to let myself do that. I have gotten better, but things still keep happening that make it hard.

Transmission went out on the van (only vehicle we have), we can't afford another car, and repair of the transmission added an additonal $2,000 to an already pre-existing loan.

[sighs]

To top it all off, got a speeding ticket the other day rushing to work. At least he wrote it for 5 over the speed limit. It COULD have been worse.

Alot of things come down to money as an issue, and makes for an increasingly hard time to actually do anything but squeak by and not much of anything else.

I think I need to start playing the lotto. Who knows, perhaps I will strike it rich. Hell, I am not greedy, enough to pay off the bills, and just live would be nice.

My wife, she does an indredible job keeping up with bills, payments, and all things financial. I just wish there was more money to do things for us.

I have been working 7 days a week for the last 2 weeks covering my shift and others at work, and I will get one day off (sorta - I will be recovering for a 12 hour midnight shift) and be working the rest of the week (including the weekend as normal - 12 hour midnight shifts).

The overtime helps, but I am feeling a bit burned out and a bit resentful because I don't get to see much of my kids. I get up, have maybe an hour or two, and get my daughter off to school, and she doesn't see me again till the next day (unless she wakes when I go in and give hugs and kisses at midnight).

My son gets a little more, an hour, before I have to leave for work and he also does not get to see me again till the next day (unless he wakes when I give hugs and kisses at midnight when I get home).

Nice thing is, my son crawls in bed with me when he wakes in the middle of the night. I know I should stop him and keep him in his own bed, but I like his goofy smile when he sees me. How can I say no?

I really want to be able to work on alot of things, including my marriage with my wife. It isn't how I want it to be, and we have had some hard times, but I crave her attention and her love, and I still wait, hope, want, and pray for life to get better with her and I.

I just wish things were easier.

The Dumbing Down of the Human Race

noreply@blogger.com (Break from Sanity) — Thu, 16 Oct 2008 00:03:00 +0000

In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed through stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods:

On a Sears hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping.

(and that's the only time I have to work on my hair)

On a bag of Fritos: You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.

(the shoplifter special?)

On a bar of Dial soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap."

(and that would be how???....)

On some Swanson frozen dinners: "Serving suggestion: Defrost."

(but, it's "just" a suggestion.)

On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom): "Do not turn upside down."

(well...duh, a bit late, huh!)

On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot after heating."

(really????...)

On packaging for a Rowenta iron: "Do not iron clothes on body."

(but wouldn't this save me more time?)

On Boot's Children Cough Medicine: "Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication."

(We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.)

On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness."

(and...I'm taking this because???....)

On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only."

(as opposed to...what?)

On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the other use."

(now, somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit curious.)

On Sunsbury's peanuts: "Warning: contains nuts."

(talk about a news flash)

On an American Airlines packet of nuts: "Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts."

(Step 3: maybe, uh...fly Delta?)

On a child's superman costume: "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly."

(I don't blame the company. I blame the parents for this one.)

Fall has come...

noreply@blogger.com (Break from Sanity) — Mon, 13 Oct 2008 23:13:00 +0000

If you hadn't noticed, FALL has come, it has arrived - and the trees are a turning!!

It is undoubtedly my most favorite time of the year as it surpasses all other seasons.

The crisp air, the crunch of leaves under your feet, the flame of colors across the trees.

Nothing beats it.

I Need a New Pair of Shoes

noreply@blogger.com (Break from Sanity) — Mon, 13 Oct 2008 07:58:00 +0000

Is this too 'naked' foot?

Giving It Another Go

noreply@blogger.com (Break from Sanity) — Mon, 13 Oct 2008 07:54:00 +0000

I have decided to combine likes and loves.

There will be a combination of Facebook, Blogging, Gaming, Politics included here.

Keeping all this separate has done nothing but distract me and allow things to fall by the way.

House on Fire? Get Busted for Drugs.

noreply@blogger.com (Break from Sanity) — Thu, 01 May 2008 19:16:00 +0000

I think these cops are a little too happy.

PLEASANT VIEW - The resident of a Weber County house was jailed recently on drug charges after firefighters responding to a fire there discovered $78,000 in marijuana plants in his basement.

....

Authorities said they discovered the setup in the basement as firefighters searched the house Saturday to make sure the flames were out.

Officials were clued-in when they saw a basement window from outside, but only an interior wall inside. Firefighters said they knocked a hole in the wall and found about 130 plants behind it.

Link

Not stated in article, but cops were soon to be overheard say, 'Dude', 'No way!!', 'Way Dude, Way!.

News Reporters - Why do they do it?

noreply@blogger.com (Break from Sanity) — Fri, 11 Apr 2008 19:31:00 +0000

It may seem like a cushy job, but reporters do put themselves in danger, sometimes knowing something might happen, and sometimes they are just clueless wonders...

Sometimes reporters do more than report the stories, at times they will embelish it and make it look worse than it is......

Sometimes Birds don't like the news either, or the reporters....

Was that the ratings dropping? No, just the bird poop.

Other times, you can get your salary increased by doing a live broadcast.

And you can see why there are times when a reporter can only take so much and have to take things into their own hands...

Drive By Shooting

noreply@blogger.com (Break from Sanity) — Thu, 10 Apr 2008 20:17:00 +0000

No, this picture is not from the article

RAPID CITY, S.D. --Rapid City police say an intoxicated man has been arrested for standing in the middle of a street on Monday night and threatening motorists with a bow and arrows. Loren Two Bulls, 23, of Rapid City, was arrested.

He's charged with six counts of aggravated assault and one count of theft of mislaid property.

Police say Two Bulls had a large razor knife, smelled of alcohol and slurred his words.

Two motorists called police.

People in one car said they saw a man shoot an arrow at another vehicle before taking aim at them. They say a third vehicle also passed while the man was aiming at cars.

Link

Looking Through The Eyes Of An Unseen Child

noreply@blogger.com (Break from Sanity) — Thu, 03 Apr 2008 16:26:00 +0000

Recommended Reading!

New Book coming out - Looking through the eyes of an unseen child.

Author: Diana Joy Albertsen

I am here to tell the true story for my siblings and myself. My hope is that by telling my story it will help give other unseen children and my siblings the courage to heal. That people may know what it is like to look at the world through the eyes of a child who is unseen by society. You will see a dramatic true story of how one person can change the life of a child. Please read these words, and realize that to accomplish this book has been a painful road.

The book, Looking through the eyes of an unseen child, is a painful true story of child abuse, neglect and sorrow. This autobiography was written by a brave woman who went through her childhood bottling her thoughts and fears inside her heart. Through her writings she tells the story of her life and how she came to grips with her past for the purpose of helping other unseen children be seen. This book was published like no other, causing one to reflect on their own childhood without wanting to flee from the secrets within them. Each child in this book could be one of your students, patients, clients or even your child's best friend. Each child in this book experienced true pain and no one child's eyes shows more guilt than the others. Please read this book and realize as a society we are responsible for the unseen children who are our future. The outcome of child abuse can tear apart families who once clung to each other for safety. By reading this book, the author hopes that her life story can help stop the pattern that many abused children continue to live into adulthood.

An excerpt from the book, Looking through the eyes of an unseen child:

Click to see larger version.

Reserve your copy now: Click Here

PS - Some of my wife's poetry will be featured in the book also and you can go visit her at The Life of a Neurotic Mom.

Stupidity at it's finest - Darwin Award

noreply@blogger.com (Break from Sanity) — Wed, 26 Mar 2008 14:59:00 +0000

These have to be the STUPIDEST teenage criminals in the world, to try and rob......

....a POLICE STATION !!

Candidate For Worlds Dumbest Criminal Title - Watch more free videos

Unbelievable.

Who in their right minds says, 'Let's rob a Police Station during normal workday hours".

Or any time for that matter.

I would laugh, but the sheer stupidity is just mind boggling.

Misc. Update

noreply@blogger.com (Break from Sanity) — Mon, 24 Mar 2008 03:36:00 +0000

Been awhile since I last updated the blog, and I have been very bad at neglecting this. I will try and rectify this.

Unfortunately, it is not as if I lead an exciting life.

Let's see....

House:
Moved in to the new house, and still unpacking. The house looked bigger when there was nothing in it before .... [chuckling]

Weather:
It snowed, it rained, it snowed, it rained, it snowed, it rained.....are you beginning to see a pattern here?

Kids:
My daughter started at her new school (transferred from old one when we moved) and seems to be doing much better. I guess a different teacher makes a big difference, especially in the way they teach. Still frustrated though (I am), they are trying to teach Kindergarten and 1st grade material to Kindergartners in half day segements. They need to move to full days if they expect this to work.

Wife:
Attitude is better, more at ease. I think the move did a world of good for both of us; a step forward. While I will not kid myself that things need to be worked on, I see improvement with us and see things moving for the better and not for the worse - and that makes me happier, and less stressed.

Work:
Work has been....work.
I have been filling in for the midnight guy for the last week, and really has been playing havoc with my sleep patterns lately.

I have been taking my wife's laptop with me to watch movies on during these midnight shifts, I am the only one here, and after work is done, nothing much left to do but keep an eye on the systems.

Movies watched this week:
Army of Darkness
Fantastic Four - Rise of the Silver Surfer
Live Free or Die Hard
Serenity
I, Robot
The Bourne Ultimatum

And tonight I will finish watching Resident Evil - Extinction.

On a side note, a friend at work says the new Robin Williams movie - August Rush, is a MUST watch. Make sure you have tissue.

Ok, well that is about it in a nutshell.

Be back soon.