Thursday, September 21, 2006
Posted by Break from Sanity @ 3:43 PM
It has been a trying day, starting even before waking up as I had a hard time trying to sleep. It must have been the midnight shift effect kicking in. Well from there it was downhill as soon as I woke up.
Frustrating to say the least.
I will try and find where I hid my funny bone and scratch up a few laughs, a giggle or two, maybe even a guffaw...and maybe a snort for those who snort while laughing (but don't want to admit it).
Speaking of scratching....Do you remember the old scratch and sniffs? I wonder where I can get some of them...I think the kids would LOVE them!
Funny things seen on T-shirts:
- (On the back of a passing motorcyclist) If You Can Read This, My Wife Fell Off.
- (Worn by a pregnant woman) A Man Did This To Me, Oprah.
- If You Want Breakfast In Bed, Sleep In The Kitchen.
- THE FOUR STAGES OF LIFE; 1) You believe in Santa Claus. 2) You don't believe in Santa Claus. 3) You become Santa Claus. 4) You start to look like Santa Claus.
- Everyone needs to believe in something. I believe in chocolate.
- Never argue with an idiot. They drag you down to their level then beat you with experience.
- Think nobody knows you're alive? Try missing a payment.
- And your cry baby whiny-butt opinion would be...?
- A.S.A.P. means Always Say A Prayer.
- Drive carefully. It's not only cars that can be recalled by their maker.
- I'm really easy to get along with once people learn to worship me.
- All Men Are Animals. Some Just Make Better Pets.
- Raising teenagers is like nailing Jell-O to a tree.
- If you scratch your rear, don’t bite your fingernails.
- God put me on earth to accomplish a certain number of things. Right now, I am so far behind I will live forever.
- A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a workstation... I wonder if that means...?
- Germs attack people where they are weakest. This explains the number of head colds.
- The difference between genius and stupidity is that genius has it limits.
- I don't know what your problem is, but I bet it's hard to pronounce.
- I'll try being nicer if you will try being smarter.
Here is one just for Diana Joy, she will appreciate this one:
One day a group of scientists got together and decided that man had come a long way and no longer needed "God." So they picked one of their number to go and tell Him (God) that they were done with Him.
The selected scientist walked up to God and said: "God, we've decided that we no longer need you. We're to the point that we can clone humans, and do many other seemingly 'miraculous' things. So, why don't you just go and get lost. ...No offense, you understand. We just don't need you anymore."
God listened very patiently to the scientist, and after the scholar was finished talking, God said: "Very well, let's say we have a man-making contest." The scientist thought for a moment, then reluctantly agreed to the challenge. But we're going to do it just like I did back in the old days, with Adam," God added.
The scientist said, "Sure, we'll take a crack at it," and he bent down to scoop up some soil.
"O no," God commanded, as he motioned for the scientist to stop. "I'm afraid you're going to have to make your own dirt!"
As far as stupid questions go, these are the stupidest...
1. Why does your gynecologist leave the room when you undress?
2. If a person owns a piece of land, do they own it all the way down to the center of the earth?
3. Why can't woman put their mascara on with their mouth closed?
4. Why is it called alcoholics anonymous when the first thing you do is stand up and say, "hi, my name's Bob. I'm an alcoholic"?
5. If you mated a Bulldog with a Shitsu would you get a Bullshit?
6. Why are they called stairs inside but steps outside?
7. Why is there a light in the fridge but not in the freezer?
8. Why does mineral water that has trickled through mountains for centuries
have a use by date?
9. Why do toasters always have a setting on them which burns your toast to a
horrible crisp no one would eat?
10. Who was the first person to look at a cow and say "I think i'll squeeze these dangly things here and drink what comes out"?
11. What do people in China call their good plates?
12. If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of a coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat?
13. Why does Goofy stand on two legs when Pluto remains on four? They're both dogs.
14. What do you call male ballerinas?
15. Can blind people see their dreams and do they dream?
16. If Wile E coyote has enough money to by all that Acme crap why doesn't he buy his dinner?
17. Why is a person who handles money called a broker?
18. If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?
19. If corn oil is made from corn and vegetable oil is made from vegetables. What is baby oil made from?
20. If a man is walking in a forest and no women is there to hear him is he still wrong?
21. Why is it that when someone tells you that there's billions of stars in the universe, you believe them. But if they tell you there's wet paint somewhere you have to touch it?
22. Did you ever notice that if you blow in a dogs face it goes mad, yet when you take him on a car ride he sticks his head straight out the window?
Ok, I hope this cracked a smile on your face.
Let's see if it makes my day any better.......
Don't forget to visit my tenant, Beth at Ramblings of an Undisturbed Mind.