He Said, She Said
Tuesday, January 30, 2007
Posted by Break from Sanity @ 7:13 PM
1.) FINE:
This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.
2.) Five Minutes:
If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five Minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.
3.) Nothing:
This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in “fine”.
4.) Go Ahead:
This is a dare, not permission. Don’t Do It!
5.) Loud Sigh:
This is actually a word, but is a nonverbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to #3 for the meaning of nothing.)
6.) That’s Okay:
This is one of the most dangerous statements a women can make to a man. That’s okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.
7.) Thanks:
A woman is thanking you, do not question, or Faint. Just say you’re welcome.
8.) Whatever:
Is a women’s way of saying SCREW YOU!
9.) Don’t worry about it, I got it:
Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking “what’s wrong,” and for the woman’s response to that, refer to # 3.
10.) CAN’T WE JUST BE FRIENDS?
There is no way I’m going to let any part of your body touch any part of mine, ever again.
11.) I JUST NEED SOME SPACE.
… without you in it.
12.) DO I LOOK FAT IN THIS DRESS?
We haven’t had a fight in a while.
13.) NO, PIZZA’S FINE.
… you cheap slob!
14.) I JUST DON’T WANT A BOYFRIEND NOW.
I just don’t want you as a boyfriend now.
15.) I DON’T KNOW, WHAT DO YOU WANT TO DO?
I can’t believe you have nothing planned.
16.) COME HERE.
My puppy does this, too.
17.) I LIKE YOU, BUT…
I don’t like you.
18.) OF COURSE I LOVE YOU.
… just not in that way.
19.) YOU NEVER LISTEN.
You never listen.
20.) WE’RE MOVING TOO QUICKLY.
I’m not pursuing this relationship until I am positive I can’t do any better than you.
21.) I’LL BE READY IN A MINUTE.
I’m ready, but I’m going to make you wait because I know you will.
22.) I NEED NEW SHOES.
The other 40 pairs are simply the wrong shade.
23.) I HEARD A NOISE.
I noticed you were almost asleep.
24.) DO YOU LOVE ME?
I'm going to ask for something expensive.
25.) HOW MUCH DO YOU LOVE ME?
I did something today you're really going to hate.
26.) IT'S YOUR DECISION.
The correct decision should be obvious by now.
26.) YOU'RE SO MANLY.
You need a shave and you sweat a lot.
27.) THIS KITCHEN IS SO INCONVIENENT.
I want a new house.
28.) DO YOU LIKE THIS RECIPE?
It's easy to fix, so you'd better get used to it.
29.) I'M SORRY.
You'll be sorry!
30.) I WAS WRONG.
Not as wrong as you!
31.) ARE YOU LISTENING TO ME?
Too late, you're dead!
What a Man says and what he REALLY means....
1.) I’M HUNGRY.
I’m hungry
2.) I’M TIRED.
I’m tired
3.) DO YOU WANT TO GO TO A MOVIE?
I’d eventually like to have sex with you
4.) CAN I TAKE YOU OUT TO DINNER?
I’d eventually like to have sex with you
5.) WOULD YOU LIKE TO DANCE?
I’d eventually like to have sex with you
6.) CAN I CALL YOU SOMETIME?
I’d eventually like to have sex with you
7.) NICE DRESS!
Nice cleavage!
8.) YOU LOOK TENSE, LET ME GIVE YOU A MASSAGE.
I want to fondle you
9.) "LET'S TALK"
I am trying to impress you by showing that I am a deep person and maybe then we can get down to business
10.) "WHAT'S WRONG"
I don’t see why you are making such a big deal out of this.
11.) YOU LOOK UPSET.
I guess sex tonight is out of the question
12.) "I LOVE YOU, TOO"
Okay, I said it…we’d better have sex now!
13.) YES, I LOVE YOUR NEW HAIRSTYLE.
I liked it better before
14.) YES, YOUR HAIRCUT LOOKS GOOD.
$50 and it doesn’t even look different!
15.) I LIKED THE FIRST DRESS YOUR TRIED ON BETTER.
Pick any freakin’ dress and let’s go!
16.) "WILL YOU MARRY ME?"
I want to make it illegal for you to have sex with other guys.
17.) "I'M GOING FISHING"
"I'm going to drink myself dangerously stupid, and stand by a stream with a stick in my hand, while the fish swim by in complete safety."
18.) "LET'S TAKE YOUR CAR"
"Mine is full of beer cans, burger wrappers and completely out of gas."
19.) "MY WIFE DOESN'T UNDERSTAND ME"
"She's heard all my stories before, and is tired of them."
20.) "IT WOULD TAKE TOO LONG TO EXPLAIN"
"I have no idea how it works."
21.) "I'M GETTING MORE EXECISE LATELY"
"The batteries in the remote are dead."
22.) "I GOT A LOT DONE"
"I found 'Waldo' in almost every picture."
23.) "HONEY, WE DON'T NEED MATERIAL THINGS TO PROVE OUR LOVE."
"I forgot our anniversary again."
24.) "THAT'S WOMEN'S WORK"
"It's difficult, dirty, and thankless."
25.) "YOU KNOW HOW BAD MY MEMORY IS"
"I remember the theme song to 'F Troop', the address of the first girl I ever kissed and the Vehicle Identification Numbers of every car I've ever owned, but I forgot your birthday."
26.) "I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT YOU, AND GOT YOU THESE ROSES."
"The girl selling them on the corner was a real babe."
27. "I HEARD YOU"
"I haven't the foggiest clue what you just said, and am hoping desperately that I can fake it well enough so that you don't spend the next 3 days yelling at me."
28. "YOU KNOW I COULD NEVER LOVE ANYONE ELSE"
"I am used to the way you yell at me, and realize it could be worse."
29. "YOU LOOK TERRIFIC"
"Oh, God, please don't try on one more outfit. I'm starving."
30. "I MISSED YOU"
"I can't find my sock drawer, the kids are hungry and we are out of toilet paper."
31. "I'M NOT LOST. I KNOW EXACTLY WEHRE WE ARE."
"No one will ever see us alive again."
32. "I DON'T NEED TO READ THE INSTRUCTIONS."
"I am perfectly capable of screwing it up without printed help."
33. "I'LL TAKE YOU TO A FANCY RESTARAUNT."
Someplace that doesn't have a drive-thru window."
Catch up on what tiggerprr's scratching post has to offer....Her latest is The Foo, A Goody Exchange and Other Random Stuff.
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