Hump Day Funnies
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
Posted by Break from Sanity @ 12:24 PM
To help inspire you to get through the rest of the week, is a bit of laughter:
Q: Someone has told me that menopause is mentioned in the Bible. Is that true? Where can it be found?
A: Yes. Matthew 14:92: ‘And Mary rode Joseph’s ass all the way to Egypt .’
Welcome the twins, from a computer perspective, COPY & PASTE:
Moving on to the obligatory In-law joke......
A married couple was in a terrible accident where the man’s face was severely burned. The doctor told the husband that they couldn’t graft any skin from his body because he was too skinny.
So the wife offered to donate some of her own skin. However, the only skin on her body that the doctor felt was suitable would have to come from her buttocks. The husband and wife agreed that they would tell no one about where the skin came from, and they requested that the doctor also honor their secret.
After all, this was a very delicate matter.
After the surgery was completed, everyone was astounded at the man’s new face. He looked more handsome than he ever had before! All his friends and relatives just went on and on about his youthful beauty!
One day, he was alone with his wife, and he was overcome with emotion at her sacrifice.
He said, “Dear, I just want to thank you for everything you did for me. How can I possibly repay you?”
“My darling,” she replied, “I get all the thanks I need every time I see your mother kiss you on the cheek.”
Lawyers are always te butt of jokes, and many times it is warranted with the various type of lawyers from good to scummy out there.
The next joke, I figure this particular farmer doesn't like lawyers, what do you think?
A big city lawyer went duck hunting in rural Tennessee. He shot and dropped a bird, but it fell into a farmer’s field on the other side of a fence.
As the lawyer climbed over the fence, an elderly farmer drove up on his tractor and asked him what he was doing.
The litigator responded, ‘I shot a duck and it fell in this field, and now I’m going to retrieve it.’
The old farmer replied, ‘This is my property, and you are not coming over here.’
The indignant lawyer said, ‘I am one of the best trial attorneys in the United States and, if you don’t let me get that duck, I’ll sue you and take everything you own.’
The old farmer smiled and said, ‘Apparently, you don’t know how we settle disputes in Tennessee . We settle small disagreements with the ‘Three Kick Rule.”
The lawyer asked, ‘What is the ‘Three Kick Rule’?’
The Farmer replied, ‘Well, because the dispute occurs on my land, I get to go first. I kick you three times and then you kick me three times and so on back and forth until someone gives up.’
The attorney quickly thought about the proposed contest and decided that he could easily take the old codger. He agreed to abide by the local custom.
The old farmer slowly climbed down from the tractor and walked up to the attorney.
His first kick planted the toe of his heavy steel toed work boot into the lawyer’s groin and dropped him to his knees.
His second kick to the midriff sent the lawyer’s last meal gushing from his mouth.
The lawyer was on all fours when the farmer’s third kick to his rear end, sent him face-first into a fresh cow pie.
The lawyer summoned every bit of his will and managed to get to his feet.
Wiping his face with the arm of his jacket, he said, ‘Okay, you old fart. Now it’s my turn.’
(I love this part)
The old farmer smiled and said, ‘Nah, I give up. You can have the duck.’
Hopefully this put a smile on your face, and give you enough laughter and good humor to get through the rest of the week.
